Posted By Trisha
Key Strategies for Personal Growth
Self-sabotaging behaviour is more common than we might think. It involves negative self-talk such as "you’re going to fail" or "you’re not good enough," which prevents us from achieving our goals. Fear and avoiding discomfort often drive these behaviours. Our brains tend to focus on the negative, leading to procrastination and avoidance.
How to Identify If You’re Self-Sabotaging:
- You’re constantly making excuses
- You avoid change or anything unfamiliar
- You compare yourself to others
- You avoid uncomfortable situations
- You create conflict in relationships
Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging:
1. Increase your self-awareness
Spend time reflecting in order to understand your self-sabotaging thought patterns and behaviours, and where they are coming from. Make it a habit to check in with yourself daily, and keep a journal to document and track the behaviours.
2. Identify your strengths and own them
Once you identify and focus on your strengths, you will find the negative self-talk slowly disappears. Try and make a concerted effort to embrace and use at least one of your strengths daily. This will help you take the spotlight off of your perceived “weaknesses”.
3. Positive affirmations
Every morning when you’re getting ready, look in the mirror and list at least 3-5 positive words or statements to describe yourself. There is a lot of power in repeating these to yourself regularly. You should also consciously try to replace at least one negative thought a day with a positive affirmation. Soon this will become a habit.
4. Consider the consequences
When we talk ourselves out of something, procrastinate and avoid, we only focus on the current relief and not on the long-term consequences. We don’t stop to consider what we will lose, or fail to gain, if we continue with the thought pattern or behaviour. Will it affect our performance at work? Will it put a strain on our relationships? Will we lose out on a really great opportunity?
5. Ensure that your goals align with your values
If you find that you struggle committing to actions and achieving goals, it would be helpful to check if there is alignment between your goals and your values. It’s often a lot harder to commit to, and achieve, goals which have no meaning in our lives, and conflict with our values. This is where the procrastination and avoidance is most prominent.
6. Befriend Your Inner Critic
Instead of trying to ignore the negative self-talk, and avoid your inner critic (because this rarely works), listen to what your inner critic has to say. Writing everything down will give you the opportunity to go through and question the negative thoughts, and replace them with caring and honest statements about yourself.
It’s not always an easy thing to come to terms with when we realise that we’re the ones hurting ourselves, and holding ourselves back in life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all deal with self-sabotage in varying degrees. You can overcome self-sabotage by monitoring your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and always remembering that you are not alone. It’s also so important to separate the thoughts and recognise which are your own, and which were projected onto you by your caregivers growing up, or society. In severe cases, it is recommended that you contact a therapist or a life coach to support you through this journey.
